My Mother-In-Law Thinks I’m A Bad Mum: Ask Roxane

BY Roxanne Zand / Jul 10 2018 / 18:37 PM

At sixty-something, Roxane Zand, deputy chairman of the Middle East at Sotheby’s, has made it to the top of her profession as a Middle Eastern mother and mentor. Here she answers your questions...

My Mother-In-Law Thinks I’m A Bad Mum: Ask Roxane

I have a rather unruly toddler and my mother-in-law thinks I’m a bad mum. Is it wrong to send her to nursery early to outsource the problem?

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, as the saying goes! By that I mean you shouldn’t despair and give up your efforts to be the best parent possible and establish sanity in your home. Yes, some children are more challenging than others. One baby may be colicky and grow up into a diva; another may fit more easily into your home environment. Genes, birth order and parental experience all come to bear in this algorithm. You are right to feel concerned at this early stage because a drama queen at two could become a monster teenager and the longer you wait to address issues, the harder they are to fix. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting and I’m against clichés and easy advice. You need to tune in to your child and find out why she is being difficult. Are you spending enough quality time with her and giving undivided attention during that time? Or are you being pulled away on your mobile phone and dealing with other things? Do you cave in too easily to her demands to buy peace? Each household has its own story, and you need to identify yours. A critical mother-in-law is not helpful if all she does is show negativity without support. Raising children is one of the hardest and most underestimated jobs in life. What a busy, tired mother needs is sound, practical guidelines and genuine support. Don’t give up and outsource; you are the best role model for your child and are undoubtedly up to the job.

Via Harper's Bazaar Arabia July/August Issue 2018