Dr. Saliha Afridi On A Step-By-Step Guide To Becoming The Protagonist Of Your Own Life
Dr. Saliha Afridi, clinical psychologist, managing director of The LightHouse Arabia, and Bazaar’s columnist, shares a detailed guide in our latest issue…
I was in the thick of my midlife transition when I came across Joseph Campbell’s book, A Hero with a Thousand Faces, where he shared the idea of the monomyth, a story pattern where a character embarks on an adventure, faces and overcomes a major crisis, and then comes home transformed.
It was this concept of the monomyth that brought order to my life, which was in complete disarray at that time. With a sudden clarity, I could see my whole life through the lens of this framework and realised that I had gone through many cycles of the hero(ine)’s journey since childhood. I saw a pattern that every five to seven years I would embark on a new journey with its own sets of challenges, its own setbacks, and its own triumphs, which allowed me to move to the next level in my 12th year. All of a sudden my life’s struggles made sense and I had a conviction that the difficult times would end – because they always do in the monomyth.
See if this framework can be applied to your current life story…
STAGE 1: The Ordinary World and A Call To Adventure
Your ‘ordinary world’ is your comfort zone, the familiar space where you start. It’s comfortable but limiting. The ‘call to adventure’ is a disruption, a change, or a challenge that beckons you out of this comfort zone, perhaps an external event that necessitates a change in your current path. The call can manifest itself as a deep, internal longing for something more, inner stirrings, or dissatisfaction with your current life situation. It could also be a major life change like losing a job, a health crisis, or a unique opportunity that suddenly presents itself. However, the call to adventure isn’t always a grand or dramatic event. It could be a subtle, persistent nudge from within, urging you to explore new territories and grow.
Questions for this stage:
- What is my current ‘ordinary world’ or comfort zone?
- Am I feeling any internal or external ‘call to adventure’ or a desire for something more?
- What changes or disruptions am I experiencing that could be seen as a call to adventure?
STAGE 2: Refusal of The Call and Meeting the Mentor
Often, the initial reaction to the call is fear and hesitation, leading to refusal. You may doubt your abilities, fear the unknown or you/ others around you try to convince yourself that duty and obligation to your currently prescribed roles are more important. This refusal can also show up as avoidance, procrastination, and over commitment to current roles. At this juncture, the ‘mentors’ play a critical role. They could be supportive friends, family, or professional guides, providing the wisdom, encouragement, and tools needed for the journey ahead.
Questions for this stage:
- What fears or doubts do I have that might be causing me to refuse the call?
- Are there any existing obligations or roles that I feel are holding me back?
- Who in my life could act as a ‘mentor’ and provide the support, wisdom, and tools needed for the journey ahead?
STAGE 3: Crossing the Threshold and Tests, Allies and Enemies
Deciding to step out of your comfort zone, you ‘cross the threshold’ into the unknown. This could be months or years after your initial call. You could be making a significant decision such as changing careers, moving to a new city, starting a new relationship, or ending a long-term relationship, or any other action that takes you into unfamiliar territory. In this phase, you encounter ‘tests’ in the form of challenges or conflicts, ‘allies’ who support your journey, and ‘enemies’ or internal and external obstacles. Navigating this stage requires resilience, self belief, and the ability to seek and accept help.
Questions for this stage:
- What significant decision or action could represent my ‘crossing the threshold’ into the unknown?
- What challenges or ‘tests’ am I likely to face in this new phase?
- Who are my ‘allies’ who can provide support, and what ‘enemies’ or obstacles might I encounter?
STAGE 4: The Ordeal, The Reward, and The Road Back
The ‘ordeal’ is the pivotal crisis or turning point, a moment of growth and transformation. This is the stage where you will face your biggest challenge. Overcoming it often leads to a reward, an achievement, a newfound understanding, or personal growth. The‘road back’ signifies the resolve to return to the ordinary world, armed with your newfound wisdom and strength. In your life, it could be a major life transition, a personal challenge, or overcoming a fear.
Questions for this stage:
- What fears or beliefs are holding me back right now?
- What skills do I need to deal with this internal or external crisis?
- What ‘reward’ or personal growth might I achieve from overcoming this ordeal?
STAGE 5: Resurrection and Return with the Elixir
The ‘resurrection’ represents the final test, where you apply what you’ve learned to overcome a challenge. This is a stage in which you feel a sense of accomplishment or an awakening, a stage in which you might be inspired to lead, advocate or help others. The ‘return with the elixir’ signifies your transformation, embodying your growth and carrying your wisdom back into your world, thereby changing it for the better. Remember, your journey does not end with your transformation, you must bring the wisdom back to your world in some way.
Questions for this stage:
- What final test or ‘resurrection’ might I face, and how can I apply what I’ve learned to overcome it?
- How have I transformed through this journey, and what ‘elixir’ or wisdom am I bringing back into my world?
- How can I use this transformation to make a positive impact on my world and the people in it?
Becoming the protagonist of your life story isn’t about creating a life free from challenges. It’s about recognising your journey, acknowledging your potential for growth, and making conscious decisions that shape your narrative. It involves embracing change, learning from challenges, and continually evolving.
Today when I find myself going through periods of pain or difficulties, I remember that every day is a page in the story of my life, and only I have the power to be the heroine of my own story, and that means I must embrace every part of the journey, with all its trials and triumphs, and ultimately, use those experiences to transform my narrative.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s June 2023 Issue