Dr. Saliha Afridi: How To Thrive In A Technology-Infused World
The clinical psychologist, Managing Director of The LightHouse Arabia and Bazaar Arabia’s columnist, discusses how to stay true to yourself in a world filled with endless outside pressures, both online and off
In a world where we are constantly bombarded by messages about not being enough, not having enough, not doing enough, it is the ultimate form of rebellion to know who you are, to know what you want, and to know why you do what you do.
Social media comparisons, body image difficulties, and self-esteem troubles are all on the rise, and as they increase, other things, like our well-being, our relationships, our idea of what is normal, and our expectations of ourselves have all taken a nosedive.
So how does one rebel against popular culture and stand firm and true to themselves in a technology-infused world?
1. Know your values
The solution for not getting swayed by social media pressures is not to totally avoid social media, but instead, to confidently navigate it with a clear sense of who you are. And yes, who you are and what you like will change as you go through life, which is why it is so important to have an ongoing relationship and that inner dialogue with yourself. One way to begin this dialogue and understand yourself is to explore your values. Values are often handed down to us from culture, family, community, religion, education, and now social media. But then there are also our personal values, the ones we choose for ourselves. Materialism, for example, is a value, and so is kindness and generosity; and we get to choose which values we will live by.
One quick way to do an assessment of your own values is to think about what you did last week – those are your lived values. Did you spend time with loved ones? Did you give yourself or your money to others? Did you work all day with no consideration for your health? Did you stand up for your colleague when she was being bullied? We can claim to have a lot of positive values but in the final analysis, it is only the values we live day-to-day that define who we are.
2. Fiercely protect yourself and your loved ones from getting swept-up into the world of social media
This can seem like a true rebellion in a world where you feel like an outcast and a luddite if you aren’t updating, or documenting something on social media every day. There is a fear that you will be left behind or you will be deemed unworthy or incompetent for life in the future. But I would say it is a risk worth taking. Dare to be the parent that says no to social media for their kids. Dare to be that employee that says they will not be able to respond after a set time in the evening. Dare to be that host that tells all her friends to check in their devices at the door. Yes, technology is the shiny new toy that everyone wants to have, but we have thousands of years of data and hardwiring that tell us what is good for us and what keeps us healthy. Sunlight, movement, nature, eating from the earth, being with loved ones (heart-to-heart, face-to-face), being productive and resting every day, sleeping deeply at night – I will bet on that over the cyber life any day.
3. Have strict guidelines on how you engage with social media
We all have a general sense that social media is both addictive and intrusive. We find ourselves distracted by the thought of checking or posting many times a day. We don’t feel in control and we even flippantly say that we are ‘addicted.’ The fact is, all the aforementioned things are true and it is precisely what social media is designed to do – to keep you ‘engaged’ (which is just another word for addicted). So, just like you have personal guidelines about how much sugar you will eat in a day, or how much exercise you get in a week, think about how, when, and what you will consume on social media and how will you post on it. For example, research shows looking at bright screens between 11:00pm-4:00am lowers dopamine and increases depressive symptoms. We also know that when you start your day with social media you are priming your day for distraction and disappointment.
On the flipside, we know that when you get exercise in the morning sun you are improving your mood and alertness for the day, and you also get a deeper sleep at night. Knowing these things, sets up your relationship with technology in such a way that it supports your well-being and puts guardrails around times, places, and moments when you will not be engaging with social media. Rebel against the culture of constant availability and urgency and take your power back.
4. Develop all parts of yourself
Develop a strong sense of self so that you will be able to take a stand and rebel against social conformity and social comparison. For this to happen it will be vital that you develop a broad sense of who you are. What are all your hobbies? Who are your people? What spiritual or reflective practices do you engage in every day? What do you like to learn about? What charities do you contribute to? What are your physical health goals? The point is that you are more than the person that you present on social media, and the stronger you are anchored in the real world and your real life, the less influenced you will be by online pressures.
5. Cancel ‘cancel culture’
When someone does or says something wrong and the social media world cancels that person, I would encourage you to rebel against ‘cancel culture’. Because of social media, it is easy to reduce other people’s lives to a singular moment or statement. Reducing a person to one moment or one mistake is wrong, it is not inclusive, and is a form of cyberbullying. It is okay to be upset with something someone did or said, but to discredit the totality of that person is what I suggest rebelling against. It might make you unpopular that you are not getting on the bandwagon of cancelling that person, but stand on the side of your values of compassion, consider the whole person always, and steadfastly choose humanity over popularity. Remind yourself that we are whole beings, and we are all fallible. Showing compassion for that person, as well as seeing your own faults and vulnerabilities will keep you grounded in reality.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s November 2022 issue