Is Nostalgia Good For You? Dr. Saliha Afridi Shares The Benefits Of Reminiscing On Your Overall Wellbeing
Dr. Saliha Afridi, clinical psychologist, managing director of The LightHouse Arabia and Bazaar’s columnist, explains the importance of embracing nostalgia and how it can help us heal and grow
As someone who has always prided herself on being present-minded and future-focused, I recently experienced a feeling that I had not felt ever before: nostalgia. Perhaps I had encountered it in my younger years, but at that point, the future held immense promise and boundless hope. But now as I arrive at my ‘midlife years,’ the past has become extra loud and has a mighty pull through the wistful, sentimental yearning for a time and a self I once knew, and feelings of sadness and loss for a time gone by.
My encounter with nostalgia
Before I go into my conversation with nostalgia, I must acknowledge that my approach to feelings is not the usual. I do not believe feelings are something to get over or get through. I do not believe they should be dismissed or ignored. And I do not believe they go away with time.
Instead, I believe that they are something that enriches and deepens our experience of life. They are there to inform and guide us about what is important to us or what needs to be addressed and integrated. They only get louder if you ignore them and, at some point, the body will start to communicate what you are dismissing as ‘feelings’ through disease.
So typically when I encounter a feeling, especially an unfamiliar one, I will get a cup of tea and invite the feeling to come sit with me as if it were another person. I may or may not have a journal with me but I will sit in quiet stillness to actively engage the feeling. I will also try to find other ‘feeling’ words that might capture my experience, and this could involve me looking at a feelings chart to see if another feeling word might better resonate.
Then I will ask the feeling questions such as:
- Is this the first time you have visited me or have I felt you before?
- What other feelings come with you?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- What does this feeling remind me of?
- What can I learn from being with this feeling?
So, as I sat in my encounter with nostalgia, it told me that it came to ask me about a time, a place, and a people gone by. It wanted me to think about myself in those times, and also the versions of those people who are still in my life.
Why?
Because there were values, memories, and experiences that remained split off in my psyche that were asking to be remembered, but also grief and sadness about ‘what no longer is’ that was asking to be released.
Nostalgia at midlife
Nostalgia comes from two Greek words, “nostos,” meaning “homecoming,” and “algos,” meaning “pain” or “ache” – aching for a home. As my life journey reached its midlife point, I believe the part of me that felt nostalgic for a ‘home’ was not looking for a physical place but rather a state of returning to my true nature. It was asking to return to how I once used to be – unapologetically me – before social expectations and fears took hold. I believe this journey back ‘home’ is the agenda for the second half of life.
“Nostalgia can be a beautiful yet difficult feeling… it can remind us what is most important to us as we move towards wholeness”
Dr. Saliha Afridi
I am not alone in feeling nostalgic at midlife. There are many who feel this way because midlife naturally is a time of reflection and transition. It requires people to look at their life and do a self-evaluation as they reflect on their personal history, their accomplishments, their failures, their relationships and all the experiences that have shaped them. They also have to go through renegotiation with their identity as they experience physical changes in their health and appearance but also their values and priorities. As they free themselves of fears of judgment like ‘what will people say’ and fears of rejection for ‘not being what my family wanted me to be,’ they might be compelled to make significant life changes, such as career transitions or relationship changes. These changes can evoke feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, and even grief, as they navigate new roles and responsibilities and let go of past identities and relationships.
As I reflected on my life story and on the people and experiences that have been important to me, nostalgia provided me with a sense of comfort and connection to a life well-lived which gave me a sense of meaning and purpose in my personal history. But alongside the feelings of comfort and meaning, the weight of grief was also present.
Nostalgia can be a beautiful and difficult feeling because it often involves a sense of loss, longing, and distance from the past. When we look back on our past, we may be reminded of the things we have lost, such as the people who are no longer with us or the experiences we can never have again. This is difficult, not only because we feel regret or sadness that we can never have those experiences again, but also because we are no longer the same person who had those experiences. We feel helpless as we try to go back in time to capture the full experience of that time but we realise we may never be able to fully recollect that moment. This distance from that time and those memories can be painful as it reminds us not just of a simpler or happier time, but also of the impermanence of life and the fleeting nature of our experiences.
The importance of nostalgia
The technology-infused, fast-paced culture that values efficiency, productivity, and novelty, and has a constant focus on the ‘present moment’ and the ‘future’, is not very conducive nor very appreciative to feelings of nostalgia. However, nostalgia can serve as a positive experience, providing comfort and resilience during times of stress, anxiety and uncertainty. Nostalgia can also remind us of who we are and what is most important to us, as we move towards wholeness and an integrated self.
Here are five simple ways to cultivate nostalgia:
- Take time to reflect on your personal history: This can be childhood memories, experiences from your younger years, or significant life events. Try to engage the five senses as you recall those moments. Engage with those different ages of you and see if they can inform you about what you need to do at this time in your life.
- Look at old photographs or mementoes: Looking at keepsakes, photographs, or other items from our past can evoke memories and help us to reflect on our personal history and our values. How are things different from what they used to be? What do you miss? How can you bring more of what you miss into your present life?
- Listen to music, watch old movies and TV shows: These activities can evoke nostalgic feelings and teleport us back to a time when we were different. What were you concerned with at that time? What did you value? Who were the important people in your life back then? And what did they teach you?
- Share memories with others: The act of sharing stories and memories can also deepen our sense of social connectedness and intimacy, as well as create a cohesive and integrated experience of your life and personal history.
- Practice gratitude: By focusing on the positive memories and experiences of our past, we can deepen our sense of gratitude and appreciation for the people and events that have shaped us. That reduces your sense of isolation and increases social connectedness. We realise that while some of those people might not be in our life they still are a part of us through the memories and the life lessons they imprinted on us.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s March 2023 issue