Looking Back To Move Forward: Clinical Psychologist Dr. Saliha Afridi’s Guide On How To Reflect For The New Year
The managing director of The LightHouse Arabia and Bazaar’s columnist discusses how looking back can help us see the future more clearly
“Don’t look back” – a phrase often used as a mantra of forward thinking, optimism and hope, especially when you have experienced mistakes or failures. However, instead of moving forward, this well-intentioned advice can leave us stuck in our lives and repeating old patterns. In a culture fascinated by the lure of the future, there is a danger that we undervalue the past and see it as worthless. However, I have found that our most valuable lessons, our deepest insights and our greatest growth come from reflection and careful examination of our past experiences.
The Essence of Reflection
Reflection is a powerful practice in which we examine our experiences retrospectively in order to move forward with authenticity and clarity. This process, which is both humbling and enlightening, involves a deep dive into understanding our actions, choices, and the inherent lessons of our past. It’s a rare opportunity to pause in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and reflect on our identity, our journey, and our core values. Consider how you have evolved since the beginning of 2023; life’s experiences inevitably shape us and constantly change our perspectives and priorities. And because of this dynamic nature of our personal growth, regular, if not daily, reflection is essential to stay in tune with our true and evolving selves.
The Benefits of Reflection
Research repeatedly emphasises the value of reflection. When done correctly, it sharpens critical thinking, boosts selfawareness, improves relationships and overall emotional well being. For example, reflecting on a past argument with your partner can be very beneficial: not only does it uncover hidden communication barriers and emotional triggers, but it also provides valuable insight into your emotional reactions and conflict resolution styles. This process paves the way for both you and your partner to take responsibility for your part in the conflict and develop more effective communication techniques for future interactions.
Reflecting on past experiences, especially difficult ones, also helps to develop resilience and coping skills that are important for navigating life’s uncertainties. This practice of looking back and analysing difficult situations is not only about understanding what went wrong, but also about extracting lessons and insights that can be applied in the future. By taking time to reflect, you educate yourself and learn how to deal with similar situations better in the future.
Implementing Reflection in Daily Life
At the start of the New Year, it is important to integrate reflection into our daily routines. This can be as simple as setting aside time to write in your a journal, meditate or take a solitary walk. Spending tech-free time in nature to mindfully observe your surroundings can also be a form of reflection that encourages a connection with the external world and your inner self. And if it feels too daunting to approach this task on your own, consider working with a therapist, who can also help you to explore your thoughts and feelings in a structured way to develop new perspectives. The most important thing is that you create a space where you can reflect without distractions.
Reflection in Action
Reflection is not just about thinking, but also about acting. It’s about using our insights to bring about positive change in your personal and professional life. Once you have reflected on experiences, it is then important to set actionable goals based on your reflections. If you notice an unhelpful pattern of behaviour, you should implement a practice to counteract it. For example, if you’ve identified that you need a better work-life balance, the goal might be to set boundaries at work, or if you’ve identified a pattern of hurting your relationships through harmful outbursts, the goal might be to learn and practice self-regulation and coping skills.
Words of Caution
While reflection is a constructive process that leads to learning and growth, it’s important to distinguish it from rumination, which can be harmful. Reflection is about a balanced and objective analysis of past events in order to draw insights and lessons. In contrast, rumination is repetitive and often negative thinking about past events or problems without finding a solution or understanding. It can trap people in a cycle of overthinking and stress, which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression. Therefore, it is important to reflect in a purposeful and future-oriented way to ensure that it is a tool for positive growth and does not lead to unproductive over-analysis.
An important aspect of reflection is also compassion, both for ourselves and for others. When we reflect and take an honest and good look at our experiences, we will come across parts of ourselves that trigger feelings of guilt and shame. It is important to meet our mistakes and errors with kindness and curiosity. This compassion extends to the way we view others and fosters a sense of connection and shared humanity.
24 Guiding Questions for Reflection for 2024
To embark on the journey of reflection, ask yourself these guiding questions…
- What were my most significant achievements and challenges over the past year and what did they reveal about me?
- Where in my life do I think: “Why does this keep happening to me?” What keeps happening? Which personal traits could contribute to this?
- What was the hardest conversation I had (or did not have) in 2023? What made it difficult?
- What behaviours or thoughts no longer serve me and what am I willing to let go of?
- Which personal traits are holding me back? (Think of examples from your personal and professional life in which these characteristics have come into play).
- What values have I lived by? (Look at the activities of the last seven days and they will show you which values you have lived by).
- What are my values and what value-oriented actions can I commit to for the coming year?
- What are my hopes and intentions for the coming year?
- How have I handled my conflicts in my relationships, and what have these situations taught me about my conflict resolution style?
- What strengths did I discover in myself in 2023 that I wasn’t aware of before?
- In what ways have I grown emotionally and intellectually in the past year?
- How have my relationships impacted my growth and what have they taught me about myself?
- In what ways have my communication patterns affected my relationships, and what changes can I make to improve them?
- What were the most unexpected challenges I faced and how did I deal with them? What could I have done differently or better?
- How did I contribute to the wellbeing of those around me?
- What moments of joy and peace have I experienced, and what led to them?
- In what areas of my life have I felt most fulfilled, and why?
- What fears or obstacles have I overcome, and what strategies have helped me do so?
- What were my sources of inspiration?
- How did I balance my personal needs with my work or family obligations? What can I still improve?
- What did I learn about my boundaries and how did I enforce them?
- What new habits or skills have I developed, and how have they helped me?
- What goals have I not achieved and what has stopped me?
- Where do I need to grow up and take more responsibility for my life?
As the calendar turns to January and you get excited about setting goals and move forward into the future, don’t underestimate the power of reflecting on the past. Reflection is more than just looking back; it’s a gateway to deeper self-awareness and meaningful change. Embrace the power of reflection, not just as an end-of-year ritual, but as an ongoing journey towards a fulfilling and authentic life.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia January 2024 issue.