Roxie Nafousi: The Instagram Agony Aunt On Manifesting, Meditating And Getting A Second Chance At Life
7 steps towards self-fulfilment and happiness with Roxie
“I had a rock bottom moment,” admits Roxie Nafousi, candidly. A surprising admission perhaps from someone spearheading mental wellness, but that was what prompted her to turn her life around and follow a new trajectory. She continues that “I think it is common with many healers in this field. I had grown up not knowing happiness and spent 28 years of my life suffering from depression, although I didn’t know it at the time as people weren’t talking about mental health the way they are now.”
And just as everything spiralled out of control, Roxie was able to take charge. The serene self-help guru and author – her first book Manifest sat on the Sunday Times best-seller list for 25 weeks, while her second, Dive Deeper, shares similar success – is an inspiration to anyone looking for a lifeline. And that’s why Harper’s sat with the London-based transformation expert, to learn her seven-step process, special tips and secret tricks to turning our lives around.
Harper’s Bazaar Arabia (HBA): The wellness movement wasn’t really your scene during your early twenties…
Roxie Nafousi (RN): Looking back it’s very clear that I had suffered from addiction from the age of 21 to 28. Yoga was the one safe space for me throughout this very dark and unstable time. I went to a yoga teaching training course in April 2018 in Thailand and hoped that it would heal me or be the catalyst for change, and I would come back a new woman. But, when I came back to London, within 24 hours I was back to my hedonistic party ways. I felt that things were utterly hopeless, like nothing was ever going to get better.
HBA: When you said you were in depression was it obvious to other people?
RN: It was pretty obvious to me. I felt incredibly lonely, unhappy, and I suffered from extreme self-loathing. I had decided that I was ridiculously ugly and a monster, that I was unlikeable and unworthy. I think a big part of that is because I am Iraqi. I grew up in Oxford, and I was a teen when the Iraq war broke out. At the time Islamophobia was very real and the West was targeting all Iraqis as terrorists and treating them as such. That was very much my case in school, and this really contributed to the feeling that I wasn’t enough as I was, that I didn’t fit in, that I was different, and that stayed with me throughout my whole life, until a moment in May 2018 when I’d hit rock bottom. A friend of mine said that I should listen to a podcast on manifesting. I realized that manifesting was about self-worth and that the life we created was built on how we felt about ourselves, what we believed about ourselves. At the time I had no self-worth, so I was obviously manifesting, but in the wrong direction. I also had no career, no sense of purpose or motivation, so I went home and started researching everything on this incredible topic of manifesting.
HBA: It must’ve been quite new then?
RN: Manifesting has actually been around for centuries, it goes in and out of being popular, and yes at the time I had only heard one expert talk about it, but it definitely wasn’t the trend that it is now. I was fascinated by it and so I started researching — into self-development as a whole. What I realised was that manifesting is like an umbrella and self-development and healing fell under this umbrella. Speakers, philosophers and thinkers are actually speaking about this practice, they’re just not using the word.
HBA: Do you think there are negative connotations or people have a preconceived notion of what it means?
RN: Oh my gosh, so many! I always say I’m like the PR for manifesting, trying to do damage control. When manifesting became a trend again, there were a lot of misconceptions that came with it: Manifesting is just about visualisation, it’s just about wishful thinking, its magic… I think people get it wrong because there’s so much misinformation, especially on TikTok. For me, this practice is so meaningful and powerful, it is rooted in so much more than people might think. |
HBA: Can you give us some tangible instances where it worked for you?
RN: On 7th June, Wade – my now husband — messaged me on a dating app and on the 7th of June 2019 a year to the day our baby boy was born. Then I used manifesting to turn my whole life around, in every sense from finding self-worth to breaking addiction to establishing an incredibly successful career.
HBA: It sounds like adjusting your mind?
RN: That is manifesting. So my seven steps to manifesting really incorporates everything that I learned about self-development, which for me is manifestation practice. My book Manifest is a life guide, it’s a way of living; I live and breathe the seven steps and I used those very seven steps to transform my life. Of course, hundreds and thousands of other people have now done the same which is incredible.
Step 1: It starts from knowing what you want to become. Be clear on your vision.
Step 2: Remove fear and doubt. This is all about letting go and processing and healing all your limiting beliefs, insecurities, feelings of low self-worth, which is an ongoing journey for all of us.
Step 3: Align your behaviour. It’s about taking action, doing the work, stepping outside your comfort zone, and acting as your future self would.
Step 4: Overcome tests from the universe. This is to do with not settling, it’s about understanding how to deal with and persist through challenges, obstacles, rejection and make them work for you rather than against you.
Step 5: Embrace gratitude. I truly believe that if all of us just did one thing to help our lives, it would be to incorporate gratitude into our lives. My mum used to say this phrase in Arabic which translates to, “For every thanks you give, you get a thousand in return” and it’s exactly true.
Step 6: Turn envy into inspiration. This is incredibly important, especially today.
Step 7: Trust in the universe. It’s about surrendering, letting go and not holding on too desperately to things.
When you do all of these steps, how could you not see a positive change?
HBA: How did you train for, or become educated to practise what you do? Is it difficult to convince others of the benefits of manifesting?
RN: When I first started talking about it, I wasn’t talking about it in a way that I was going to teach others, I was just talking about it as my own experience. I had a very small community on Instagram, and I was vulnerable and honest with them. They knew my struggles and I told them that I found this method that worked for me. They started practicing some of the things I was saying and then I decided to host a little workshop really not knowing if people were going to resonate with my ideas. They did, they loved it and it worked! Then the pandemic hit and people were lost. With the world spiralling out of control, finding a practice that gave a sense of control was very appealing as it gave hope for the future. Word of mouth also helped. When you see your friend different, happier and attracting abundance into their lives, you want some of that.
HBA: Do you think there are some people who are more predisposed towards these techniques?
RN: I think manifesting is for everybody. I think everybody can create a better life for themselves if they follow these steps. But, it is very rooted in self-worth. We manifest what we believe, what we subconsciously believe we are worthy of receiving. To change our belief system is something that takes real effort and dedication. We have to be committed to working on ourselves, to looking inwards reflecting on our wounds and our traumas and then committing to taking action and doing the work. If you really do commit to those things, I believe that everyone can manifest.
HBA: Who else in this field do you admire? And in other fields?
RN: When I first started, I really loved people like Brené Brown and Tony Robbins because they were incredible speakers and they really inspired me to get into speaking. That was really how this all began: I wanted to be a speaker, I wanted to inspire people. So I started hosting workshops for both, corporations and my own personal workshops. Another person that I admire is Jay Shetty, just because he made self-development very accessible which, I think, is something I’m trying to do also. I was lucky enough to meet him on his podcast and from that become friends with him, which is so lovely. I also think Gabor Mate speaks about trauma and addiction in a very authentic way. But you know, I listen to lots and lots of different speakers and get ideas from everyone, especially as everyone communicates things differently.
HBA: Do you do specific talks or are they more general?
RN: Mostly I do my manifestation workshop; I think I did hundreds last year. The biggest one I did was in Alexandra Palace for 2,000 people last January and that was fantastic! I’m doing that again next year. The energy is truly magical.
HBA: Aside from manifesting, do you practise mindfulness or meditation?
RN: Absolutely! At the moment I’m meditating on a bed of nails. It’s this acupressure mat, you lie on it for 10 minutes a day and the release you feel on your back and your nervous system is incredible. I meditate every morning. I listen to affirmation playlists to fall asleep. I repeat the affirmations all the time, it’s such an easy tool to use. As soon as I wake up, I say “Today is going to be an incredible day, I’m open to all opportunities, I love the person that I am, I’m worthy of abundance,” and what a great way to wake up!
HBA: How does one know what would work for them?
RN: It’s about trying many different things; a support system is key. I’ve tried many different tools, like therapy, and then I created my own toolbox. Extra support is essential. I want to help equip people with their own toolboxes. So, if you ever feel like you are slipping down and can’t get yourself out it, I always say my bounce back is really fast and it’s because I have this toolbox.
HBA: What is the best advice you ever received and from who was it?
RN: There’s a quote I really love and it’s “sometimes you win, sometimes you learn” and I absolutely love it because I think it’s true. There is no bad experience because everything is learning, an opportunity for growth. I still have my times where it becomes challenging, and my inner critic becomes loud again. I still suffer from anxiety from time to time, but what manifesting allows me to do is, it gives me the tools to bounce back from it and understand that those moments don’t define me. Better days are coming and that for me is what optimism is. It’s not about feeling good all the time, it’s about knowing that even on the dark days, better days are coming.
HBA: If you hadn’t gone down this path in life, what would you have been?
RN: I think if I hadn’t found a purpose, I don’t know if I’d be alive right now, honestly. But if I had found some purpose and not went into this specific career, I think I would’ve been a personal trainer or a fitness teacher because it’s so inspiring and motivating. I think I would’ve liked that.
HBA: What’s next in the pipeline?
RN: You know it’s funny, I’m getting this question a lot in my interviews, and at the moment I don’t know. I truly am at a place where I feel very content. Happiness is very new for me, it’s only been in the last few years, so I’m just really enjoying it and not trying to chase the next thing. Just sitting in the joy of now.
HBA: Can you tell us an easy way to tweak our lives for the better?
RN: Yes, I’d say start a positivity journal. Write every good thing that happened from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to bed. Do this every night, even just for a week or two. Your brain will start to focus on the good, because its preparing itself to write it down and you actually change what you pay attention to and train your brain to have this attitude of gratitude.
HBA: The soundtrack/motto to your life would be:
RN: I think it’s actually a quote from the book: “With each sunrise, we rise into someone new,” and every day I feel I have grown and evolved.