The Art of Adulting: A How-To Guide by Bazaar Arabia Columnist Dr. Saliha Afridi
The clinical psychologist and managing director of The LightHouse Arabia lays out some first steps each of us must take to finally grow up
We all know someone who feels like a child trapped in an adult body. It could be that impulsive colleague who reacts before fully contemplating the consequences, that friend who favours the short-lived thrill over long-term benefits or the loved one who spends money without without considering the future. Such behaviours, while occasionally charming in their spontaneity, underscore a broader challenge: the journey of transitioning from youthful carelessness to mature adulthood.
The popular psychology notion of “reconnecting with your inner child” may inadvertently reinforce the belief of such people that they can perpetually inhabit a figurative Neverland, much like Peter Pan, avoiding the obligations of adult life. And yes, maintaining a connection to our playful essence and retaining a ‘childlike’ sense of wonder is valuable, and it’s equally important to grow up and be an adult.
While the transition from youth to adulthood might come with an age stamp in legal terms, the emotional and psychological journey is far more nuanced. Beyond age, financial independence, or societal milestones, true adulthood is characterised by inner growth, self-awareness, and the capacity to navigate life’s complexities with grace.
Many of us are looking for the ‘book on adulting,’ hoping that someone out there will guide us how to ‘do life’. While I have not run across such a book yet, I do have some suggestions that will give you a good place to start.
Here’s how you can begin transitioning into being an ‘adult’:
1. Take responsibility for your actions
One of the cornerstones of adulthood is responsibility. This doesn’t just mean going to work everyday or paying bills on time. It encompasses recognising your role in your successes and failures, understanding that your choices have consequences, and owning up to your feelings and actions. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your actions instead of placing blame on others. This requires a commitment to self-reflection and courageous self-honesty about why you make certain choices and what are your underlying motivations. Taking responsibility means owning not only the external actions but also the internal processes leading up to them.
2. Take responsibility for your care
We wait our whole life for the magical other to come and prioritise us the way we prioritise others or care for us the way we care for others. We wait for someone to give us permission or validation to engage in self-care so that we don’t feel selfish. Adulthood means that you – not your partner, employer, or friends – have to prioritise your well-being. If you are waiting for permission, validation, or external affirmation to care for yourself then you are not an adult yet. Being an adult means you ensure you get to bed on time, that you eat nourishing meals, set playdates for yourself with your friends, set time for relaxation and recreation and schedule regular check-ups.
3. Take responsibility for your journey
Transitioning into adulthood is intrinsically linked to claiming sovereignty over the trajectory of your life. It’s about embracing your unique identity and evolving into the individual you are destined to become. Is that scary? Yes. Will you make mistakes? Yes. Is it much easier to blame someone else for keeping you trapped in a job you don’t like, or a relationship that doesn’t serve you? Yes. That’s why being an adult is hard. You have to make hard decisions and assert autonomy over your life’s direction and become the person you are inherently meant to be. This means staying true to your personal path, even when societal norms or external pressures suggest otherwise. It’s about being authentically you, even when authenticity comes at a cost.
“Adulthood is not about having all the answers but about being accountable for the questions you ask”
4. Take responsibility for handling conflicts
Conflict is a natural and normal part of human interactions, but most ‘adults’ hide behind walls of denial, avoidance, or passive aggression. Instead of addressing issues head-on, they often choose the comfort of familiar patterns, potentially sacrificing genuine understanding and growth for temporary peace. Being an adult means you have a constructive approach towards disagreements. You don’t throw tantrums and blame the other person, nor do you say “I am not your friend anymore” after each rupture. Instead, you recognise your triggers, you understand what you and your personal history bring into the dynamic, and you listen attentively without blame or defensiveness. You choose to take responsibility for the conflicts and then transform them into bridges that will foster mutual understanding and hopefully deeper connections.
5. Take responsibility for navigating change
Life is full of transitions, from phases of life to job changes, relationship endings, or moving to new places. Adulthood is about navigating these changes with grace, fortitude, and resilience. Instead of resisting or fearing change, being an adult means you can flow with life’s currents and remain adaptable and open to life’s unfolding. By embracing these inevitable shifts, you’ll find balance, clarity, and a renewed sense of purpose.
By no means does this list capture all that it means to be an adult. But one theme that runs through all these suggestions encapsulates this evolution that we all must face – being an adult means having personal authority. Whether it’s our emotions, decisions, relationships, or challenges, adulthood is about stepping up, embracing personal responsibility and shaping your own destiny. And one last thing, adulthood is not about having all the answers but about being accountable for the questions you ask, the paths you choose, and the lessons you learn along the way.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s November 2023 Issue.
Lead image Courtesy of giphy