How Can I Grow Through Difficult Times?
The clinical psychologist, managing director of The LightHouse Arabia and Bazaar’s columnist Dr. Saliha Afridi discusses how personal growth is possible after facing a traumatic life crisis
We have all been through a lot in recent years – from the pandemic, which resulted in a completely altered reality, to being eyewitnesses to political and natural disasters via the news and social media. It’s safe to say that all of us have witnessed and/or survived traumatic events that have left us altered, some for better and some for worse.
When I think back to the lockdown in 2020, many people, including myself, thought Covid would be over in a few weeks and everything would go back to “normal.” In their excitement, many people set out to record home workouts, document home renovation projects, or share their latest attempts at baking on social media, and for a while, it felt ok. But as the lockdown kept being continually extended and new variants caused further shutdowns, with every event and with each experience, people’s resources to cope dwindled. What followed were global reports of increasing rates of mental health issues in people of all ages and races, and skyrocketing rates of burnout with men and women leaving the workforce in numbers like never before.
If we look at these facts only at face value, the present and future situation feels like doom and gloom. However, there’s a whole other side of the story that is not as obvious or talked about that can come as a result of experiencing a life crisis or a traumatic event. That is the story of post-traumatic growth.
Post-traumatic growth is a psychological theory that states that there are some people who go through traumatic events and seismic crises, and while those experiences were very painful for them, they come out of those experiences more connected, compassionate, and appreciative of all that life has to offer. They not only go through difficult life experiences, but grow through them.
“I believe we limit ourselves if we think of difficult experiences as only cultivating resilience and strength.”
Some reasons for this ‘growth’ are that the crisis was enough for these individuals to reassess their representation of themselves and others, and come to a realisation that they want deeper and more meaningful relationships with the people in their life. With this new found way of being in the world, they were able to be more engaged with life and its possibilities. They would have a greater appreciation for life, as well as higher self-esteem and confidence to face any challenges. Not to mention have a greater connection to everything around them. So not only did the crisis make them stronger, but it awoke their potential to what really matters.
There are some people who can spontaneously and unconsciously engage in this kind of reflection and re-evaluation of their life after a crisis. While others can decide to consciously and intentionally engage in this process to move
toward growth.
Here is a list of 10 questions to consider to make meaning of challenging life experiences…
Reflect on the past year or two and write down the different challenges that you have faced. Pick one extreme challenge and write in the details of that event.
1. What type of person were you before the experience took place, and how has that experience changed you?
2. Which of your beliefs have changed through this time? What new beliefs are emerging?
3. What and/or who helped you get through these difficult times? What did they do that helped you? What does that tell you about what you need more of in your life?
4. What were you reminded of that you had forgotten about yourself? Your skills? Your relationships from this traumatic experience?
5. Can you think of another difficult experience you went through in the past? How was this experience the same? How was it different? Were there any lessons or messages that might be repeated in both scenarios?
6. What and/or who has made your life meaningful during this period? How might you carry that meaning forward into all areas of your life?
7. What and/or who do you feel more connected to? What/who do you feel less connected to? Consider people, places, things, or spirit.
8. What lessons have you learned about yourself, the world, and your relationships through this experience?
9. If you could give advice to the person you were before the event, what would you say
to yourself?
10. If you could give thanks for one thing that came out of this experience what would it be?
I believe we limit ourselves if we think of difficult experiences as only cultivating resilience and strength. Yes, we are stronger once we have survived something that challenges us, but we are also spiritually and emotionally enlarged by those experiences. Our understanding of ourselves, our relationships, our life purpose and our spirituality are all tested, and thus, we are more and we are deeper as a result of it.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was so right when she said, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep-loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Lead Image Supplied
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s October 2022 issue.