A Very Modern Role Model: Carla Dibello on Rejecting Shame And Embracing Vulnerability
The entrepreneur and celebrity style insider reveals how she tackles the most prevalent issue of our time – anxiety
At this point, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t felt anxious in 2020. Due to the state of the world, anxiety has easily been one of the biggest themes and one of the most collectively shared emotions of the year. I hear it in the tones of friends, family and colleagues no matter the topic. I see it in the faces and postures of strangers in the streets, their masks ineffectively disguising the underlying tension. There is an overlay of apprehension that none of us can fully shake, despite all we do to adjust to our semblance of a new normal.
Anxiety is one of the most commonplace emotions. And yet it has somehow maintained an incredible amount of stigma, despite it being so ubiquitous. In fact, according to a study done in 2017 by the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, it is estimated that globally, 284 million people were experiencing some form of anxiety disorder. This makes it the most prevalent mental health or neurodevelopmental disorder in the world. And yet in the Middle East, there is still so much shame surrounding experiencing it, let alone any other mental-health issues. Or even the topic of mental health in general.
No one improves or moves forward by pretending something doesn’t exist. We don’t achieve breakthroughs until we address the reality of what is in front of us. The last thing we need is for our communities to make moving forward more difficult.
Over the last few decades in particular, our world has developed into a breeding ground for anxiety. From economic insecurity caused in part by the gig economy, to our behaviours, emotions, and self-worth being mined and monetised by social media, our careers and even personal identities no longer offer us stability. It goes without saying that given these circumstances, anxiety, depression, and other mental-health issues feel more common than ever. It’s important to address them, not as anomalies, but as a normal part of both the human condition and experience. Mental health is not just a personal journey, it’s a social one. And not just because anxiety and depression are normal experiences for so much of the population. Protecting our collective mental health as a society is both key to our success and critical in preventing our downfall.
And it’s not like these mental-health issues dematerialise on their own. We can’t heal collectively unless we accept and address collective trauma. Otherwise, it festers. It spreads at the root. And the longer we ignore it, the worse it gets, embedding itself deeper and deeper into the collective psyche of our social fabric.
One notable contrast that I observed while going back and forth from the Middle East to the US is the amount of stigma versus the lack of stigma surrounding therapy. In Los Angeles, a therapist is as commonplace as a hairdresser. Everyone’s got one. In lieu of shame, there is an attitude of empowerment that comes along with seeking professional aid in self-work. Yet in the Middle East, seeking therapy still possesses the stigma of weakness, or imperfectness. I’ve seen firsthand how this attitude can negatively affect one’s ability to thrive. Pushing away powerful tools and resources (which is what therapy truly boils down to) never makes a person stronger.
Knowing you don’t have all the answers is one of the cornerstones of being a great leader. A strong leader is intelligent enough to have the foresight to surround themselves with a diverse range of experts. This usually means that there are opinions that are different from their own, but a good leader understands that this is where the strength of their support lies. Knowing that a single person simply can not have all the answers is an act of humility that allows you to see more clearly. It gives you the vision to harness the expertise of others for a greater good, whether that be for the good of a country or the good of a company. But it also works on an individual level.
Leaders know when to enlist experts. They understand that vulnerability is an opportunity for wisdom. And as the leader of our own trajectories, it’s our responsibility to ourselves to ask for help when we need it. Far from a sign of weakness, it’s a power move. It’s the first step to growth and from growth comes strength. And when we support this attitude individually, we become stronger as a society.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s October 2020 issue