Carla DiBello On The Possible Dark Side Of Living A Main Character Life
”This hyperfocus on our own story also encourages the treatment of everyone around us as supporting characters rather than as equals”
One of the reasons I got into filmmaking is that it provides the opportunity to turn everyday moments into great stories. It offers the ability to see situations from a different perspective and have access to as well as tell stories that have never been told before. But as every filmmaker knows, while film is able to bring a story to light, there is always more to the story that remains untold, from nuanced details to everyday moments and varied perspectives. After all, one of the key components to great storytelling is its arc – and when we follow an arc, there are always elements that must be dropped to keep the story clear.
Just as every story must have an arc, every film must have a main character. In our own lives, that main character is often ourselves. And in a post-pandemic world, after years of isolation where our main source of connection was a mix of video, photos, and other tech, people are relishing living as the main character in their own lives.
Main Character Energy has become something of a modern-day phenomenon. In fact, in a recent survey amongst Gen Z and millennials, it was reported that 55 per cent of 13-39 year-olds actively thought of themselves as the main characters of their own lives. A quick study of the #maincharacter hashtag on social media reveals just how popular this growing way of seeing is becoming.
Seeing ourselves as a main character can be a powerful tool to reframe our mindset. It adds romance, drama and flair to even the most mundane moments. It can give us both inspiration and motivation. But my favourite thing when thinking of ourselves as the main character is that it reminds us to take care of ourselves. As women, we are so often in a nurturing role, where we instinctively put others before ourselves. Seeing ourselves as the main character in our own story is a reminder to prioritise our wants and needs.
But there’s a downside to this perspective as well – or rather, multiple downsides. With the surge of social media, and I would argue particularly TikTok where video reigns supreme, being the main character in our own narrative has us tied to our ratings. Ironically, being the main character reduces our autonomy. Moments of our lives hold imbalanced weight. We share aspects of ourselves we may not have otherwise shared while hiding away other bits that we worry might not help our ratings. We amplify our wins. And we make our problems everyone’s problems, often leaning into hardships for the sake of the story. And instead of looking for actionable ways to solve them, we await the response from our audience.
I remember a clear example of this when an acquaintance of mine lost her dog and instead of checking her neighbourhood or reaching out to local animal agencies, her first instinct was to go on TikTok to share her story and ask her audience what to do. It turns out, the dog was next door safe and sound – something she might have discovered sooner had she simply checked in wither her neighbors first.
Even with a conscious approach, perceiving ourselves as the main character creates an alternative persona, detaching us from the essence of who we truly are. We tweak and adjust ourselves according to audience reactions. After all, no story is successful if the audience isn’t interested. This hyperfocus on our own story also encourages the treatment of everyone around us as supporting characters rather than as equals, which in turn, encourages our interactions with others to be more performative and less sincere.
While movies are a wonderful way to tell a story, life itself is not a movie. It could never be as simple as that – and I’m so glad that it isn’t. While I’ll always love a good highlight reel, the best parts of life are the in-between moments. Vulnerable conversations that bond us with a new friend. Inside jokes with colleagues or family. The ritual of caring for a beloved pet. Remembering and celebrating the special moments in others’ lives as though they were our own. The thrill of rediscovering the world through a child’s eyes. And low-toned and heart-bearing, late night talks with a dear friend. These are the forgotten moments of the modern world, and to me, the most precious.
Photography: Efraim Evidor. Styling: Imogene Legrand. Carla Wears: Jumpsuit, Dhs5,800, SEMSEM. Shoes, Carla’s Own. Hair: Sisters Beauty Lounge. Make-Up: Sarah Saya
With Thanks To Five Palm Jumeirah
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s June 2023 issue