Hattem Mattar On Raising His Daughters, Egyptian Culture, And Tackling Fatherhood
As a single father, chef Hattem Mattar’s ideas and dreams on parenthood might not align to that of his own upbringing, but he’s determined his girls make life-long memories to cherish
“No matter what question I ask myself getting up in the morning, the answer is always, somehow, ‘For my family’.
Growing up I had the quintessential third culture upbringing – strong Egyptian roots. My parents were very present in our lives. It was an inquisitive Islamic upbringing that had us reading all the time, and saw us embark on adventures in every part of the world you could think of. My mum was the heart of the entire family, aunts and uncles and grandparents included. My father was the sage for the same people. We had the best of both worlds – emotion and intelligence, in that order.
The upbringing my girls, Tamara, 13, and Hanna, 11, have is completely different. Their mother and I are divorced. We split in 2016/2017. The kids didn’t understand for a while and our divorce was not amicable. As parents, we had to explain to them how and why it happened and the conversations were difficult. It’s much better now, but it’s a day to day adjustment. I’m trying to fill in gaps and make up time, all under the shade of the tree my parents planted for us to learn from. I’m also trying to make their life as analogue as possible in a world that has gone completely digital. I want dirt under their fingernails. Skateboards. The ocean. Hard work.
We have an urban farm and in the winter we sleep outside with our five German shepherds. If Mowgli and the wolf pack lived in a house, that would be us. I think those are great classrooms and teach more than a traditional parenting style that my parents had. As a father I would say I’m protective, wise, caring, approachable, noble, chivalrous. I hope my girls would describe me as fun, loving and a friend. I sometimes ask them, ‘Am I a good pappy?’ and the answer is always a big hug or a yes. I know that’s real.
I had both girls before I was 30. So now, a few days away from 40, I have two young adults to hang with. That’s such a great feeling. We are father and daughter when there is discipline that needs to be addressed, otherwise we are friends. We are colleagues in the kitchen, coaches and students in the sports we play. It gives us the capability to always communicate. We always have a chance to be there for each other.
The time I have with the girls is piecemeal. It hurts to miss out on things like school mornings together and dinner together consistently. But we make the most of our time. Because the time isn’t what a ‘normal’ household would be. You have to balance being a disciplinarian with knowing that you don’t want to spend the limited resources doing this instead of being there for them.
It’s so important to make memories together, naturally and all the time. The obscure things we remember as adults from our childhood are things our parents never thought we’d remember. So I try to make as many of those memories positive and happy. They will be better for it, as will I as a father.
I’m just so proud of my girls, of their characters and how they carry themselves with such grace and confidence. They are wise beyond their years. My hope for them is that they grow up to be happy. I hope they find their sense of satisfaction early and run with it, making the world a better place.”
As told to Alexandria Gouveia
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s October 2022 issue.
Lead image supplied.