Ruwaida Abela Northen on The Challenges of Female Friendships in Adulthood
The Bazaar Arabia columnist discusses the modern-day struggles of staying connected with friends in changing and challenging times
As someone who spent much of my childhood moving from country to country, friendships have always been a bit elusive. I never had the luxury of childhood friends – the ones who grow up alongside you, sharing milestones, school memories, and those beautifully awkward moments of youth. Every time I started to build connections, it felt like it was time to move again. Before settling in Dubai in 2017, I rarely stayed in one place long enough to form the kind of deep, lasting relationships that others seem to have. I would start over, forge new bonds, only to leave them behind and begin the process all over again.
Now, the landscape of friendship has changed, but the challenges remain. I’ve been blessed with many wonderful friends in my life, but even with them, I sometimes feel like I’m running in quicksand. It’s hard to make space for those connections when every day feels like a balancing act. The juggling never stops. Life has become a whirlwind of responsibilities – between running a business, raising four children, organising playdates, and making time for date nights with my husband, there’s little room left to nurture friendships in the way I’d like.
While social media gives us the illusion of staying connected, it doesn’t fill the emotional gaps that form when we can’t be physically present in each other’s lives. A comment on a post or a quick text is no substitute for sitting down face-to-face, sharing laughter or tears, and truly catching up.
What makes adult friendships even more complex is the reality that our lives don’t always align the way they used to. One friend may be navigating motherhood, while another is deep into her career. One might be going through a breakup, while another is planning a wedding. Our lives are so varied, and syncing schedules can feel like an impossible task.
Friendships, which once felt effortless, now require intentional effort – something that can feel difficult when everything else is competing for your attention.
Despite these challenges, there’s an undeniable beauty in female friendships as we grow older. The women in our lives become more than just friends – they become witnesses to our growth, our failures, our joys, and our struggles.
When we do manage to carve out time for one another, magic happens. Even if months have passed, true friends pick up right where they left off. There’s an unspoken understanding among women who are balancing careers, families, and the chaos of life. We know that just because we haven’t spoken in a while doesn’t mean we care any less. And when we do meet, the conversations are rich and real, skipping the small talk and diving straight into the heart of things.
Adult friendships are also about learning to accept that relationships evolve. Some friends will always be there, even if you don’t see them as often. Others may naturally drift away as lives change and priorities shift. Sometimes as we grow, it becomes necessary to let go of those who weigh us down. And that’s okay. The key is to hold onto the friendships that matter, the ones that bring support and depth to your life – and to make peace with the fading of others. The friends we make now aren’t based on geographic locations or school zip codes, like when we were younger. Instead, we choose people whose values and beliefs resonate with ours – those we welcome into our busy lives because they make them better.
Friendships in adulthood are not about those we’ve known the longest, it’s about those who came into your life, said, “I’m here for you,” and meant it.
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Read more of Ruwaida Abela Northen’s Columns for Bazaar Arabia here …
Introducing Bazaar Arabia’s New Columnist Ruwaida Abela Northen
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s November 2024 issue.
