Sara Al Madani On Raising Her Son, Motherhood, and Being Both Mum and Dad
Raising her son on her own has been the most life-affirming decision that the entrepreneur has ever made
“I had my son Maktoum, seven, when I was 30. I split from his father while I was pregnant and we lived separate lives. When I gave birth to my son I raised him alone. I was his financial provider. His caregiver. His mum and his dad.
I was always taught that parents should stay together for the sake of the kids, but this is the most toxic advice. Children need happy mums. No matter how much you try to hide your feelings, children can pick up from the energy and that affects them.
Children should understand that sometimes things don’t work out, and it’s OK – life goes on and we search for what makes us happy. I’ve been explaining this to my son since he was two.
This is why, when I split from my second husband, two and half years ago, my son was very understanding. He saw that the marriage was not happy. At the beginning of my second marriage I made it clear that my son is number one and that if I’m with someone then they have to accept my child, and understand the obligation to be a father figure. My second husband welcomed the idea, but after marrying him I discovered he had no interest. It broke my heart as my son was excited about having a man in the house.
Luckily, my father helps me by being the male figure when there are questions or things I can’t relate to as a woman. This is the magic of family – loyalty, trust, understanding, friendship, and being there for each other. Being Arab, family is everything. I truly value motherhood and it has taught me so much. My son made me more loving. He made me want to give more to the world and be a better person.
My relationship with my son is perfect. It’s loving and honest. We love doing everything together. I allow him to be himself and to make his own decisions. We are each other’s best friend – we even wear matching bracelets with each other’s names.
I want him to be strong like how I was brought up. I want him to have personality, and be an individual. Before I starred in Real Housewives of Dubai I told him about the show, and asked if he wanted to take part. I gave him the choice and he wanted to do it. Anyone who knows us, who watched the show, knows we were as real as we could be. He enjoyed the experience.
He understands my work, which is important. He is involved in my businesses and my creative processes. I make him part of it because he will take over one day. A lot of people try to guilt-trip me for being a working mum but I’m not having it. Sometimes I might not always be there, but my son understands that I am not there because I’m doing things for him. He understands there’s a lot of sacrifice and compromise.
A lot of people told me that your dreams die when you become a parent, but I’m completely against that. You shouldn’t forget who you are. We need to enjoy life and that’s how we transfer that emotion to our kids. They need to see us happy and living outside of just motherhood. That’s why I have ‘me time’ – vacation with my girlfriends or spa days. I know I cannot pour from an empty cup.
I want my son to understand that life is short. I don’t want him to simply exist, I want him to live, to grow, not to live in fear and to enjoy it.”
As told to Alexandria Gouveia
Lead image supplied.