Stavros Antypas On Emotional Vulnerability, Facing Hardships And Having Friends Like Family
For some, the greatest connection comes from the family you choose. This was certainly the case for creative activist and storyteller Stavros Antypas
“I wasn’t popular growing up, and that’s alright because I am loved today. I faced hardships when it came to building and understanding the value of friendships. I struggled to spot when it was selfless or more transactional. When does a relationship become holistic enough to call it genuine?
These are the questions I would ask when I moved to Dubai in 2015 to study film. Dubai’s transient environment can make it difficult to establish genuine relationships. I like to compare it to a large university where everyone is a new student, coming in with their own perceptions, curiosities and expectations. Everyone has the same hope to meet like-minded individuals that would be their family in a home away from home.
For me, as a hopeless romantic, I positioned myself to open up my heart to anyone I thought would entertain my insecurity of not being wanted or loved in a platonic light. I was drawn to anyone that could fill a void by making me feel less alone in the city. While these relationships were important they were definitely not designed to last forever.
As I grew older, I lacked an intimacy where I could bare my emotions with my friends, and I went in search of connections that filled my need to express sadder, more honest feelings.
Unexpectedly, these friends would make an appearance in my life on the iconic dance floor at Barbary Deli & Cocktail Club in 2018 – the year of honesty. We would dance, cry and laugh all evening, and every weekend would be an emotional rollercoaster of confessions. These experiences defined what I viewed as valuable. The number of people I allowed in my circle lessened and I felt protective of my friends. I felt that I had earned their affection.
During the pandemic, the time apart from my friends allowed us to truly think about how much energy we had spent on each other. This made me question, ‘Who do I want to be to my friends when I come out from the other side of this pandemic?
Today, my heart is open to anyone I meet, but my vulnerability is earned. Everyone that has crossed paths with me has served their purpose in my life and I’m forever grateful because they helped shape me. What I have learned is that there is no right way of loving a friend. If you want to express your love, do it for yourself because it feels right to you. Expecting them to owe you love back makes your love conditional to receiving. No one owes you anything beyond what they can offer you today. We are all going through our own emotional journeys of growth.
I now realise that I am kind, honest and most importantly, always myself. I will attract those that appreciate these qualities and they will become my genuine friends. I can honestly say the relationships I’ve made in Dubai are the most authentic I’ve ever made. To my friends, I say thank you. Because of you, I love freely, and because of you, I give lovingly.”
As told to Alexandria Gouveia
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s October 2022 issue.
Lead image supplied.