Baby Loss Awareness Week: Mothers Reflect On The Rituals That Heal
Every year, there are nearly two million stillbirths and around 23 million miscarriages, with approximately 6,500 newborn deaths worldwide. The Middle East marks its fifth year of breaking the silence on baby loss awareness with this year’s theme, ‘The Power of Being Heard’ – here, parents in the Middle East share how they are honouring their babies’ memory
I vividly remember how much I wanted a sibling when I was 8 years old. Growing up around friends with several siblings made me realise that I longed to have someone to share my toys with, spill secrets that stayed just between us, and enjoy endless sleepovers. Growing up in Lagos, Nigeria, my parents had planted the seed of adoption in my head: “What do you think of us adopting a little girl? You would have a sister.” I wasn’t familiar with the concept of adoption, all I knew was that it would give me a sister. And at that age, that’s all that mattered.
When I was 10, I raised the issue once more. My parents looked at each other, nodded, and responded; “We think it’s time; there’s something we haven’t told you yet. You were going to be a triplet. You had a twin brother. And the third… we lost.” I didn’t understand. I knew nothing about miscarriage. How was it possible to “lose” a baby? There was a plethora of questions. We had never covered reproductive health at primary school, and my parents had never explored the topic with me in depth… until then.
Over the years, I have been exposed to multiple cases of baby loss – stories from my grandmother, aunts, and friends whose mothers had quietly confided in them. This affected so many women I had known my whole life, and I was only just finding out. It simply wasn’t something that was openly talked about.
Now, we live in a world where women are far more accustomed to talking about their lived experiences. Some comfort, in any measure, can be found in knowing that there’s a community who have grieved the same; removing the taboo around discussing miscarriages, stillbirths and infant losses.
Baby Loss Awareness Day first took place in 2002 and since then has evolved to become Baby Loss Awareness Week, held annually between October 9-15. This week doesn’t just honour loss, but also acknowledges the unique journey through grief and healing that is different for every parent. The mantra? No one should have to endure this pain on their own.
Coping with baby loss is brave in itself, and sharing how you cope is nothing short of heroic. Here, Bazaar Arabia speaks to three mothers in the Middle East about the healing rituals that they observe to remember the babies they will always hold close to their hearts.
Rituals Of Remembrance
“On Hosea and Malachi’s birthday, we go to a peaceful beach during the sunset; to read, pray, and sing, which bring backs memories of them and instils hope of being with them once again. Having concrete ways of remembering our sons helps us cope with the feeling of grief. Our community knows how important Hosea and Malachi’s birthday is to us, and we have been really blessed to receive messages and gifts on their day, each year. Rituals of remembrance, when given a healthy place in life, are essential to holding onto parenthood. While we cannot give our sons a hug, pack their lunches, or see them graduate college, these small practices provide avenues to share our love and care for our children.” Talitha Thomas Daniel.
Helping To Save The Lives Of Others
“Just a few weeks ago, we came to the two year anniversary of baby Leo’s death. When we had thought long and hard about how we wanted to mark each anniversary, we found it so difficult; every suggestion we came to, never felt like it could measure up to paying the respect and honour we wanted. There was nothing we could buy or make that ever felt enough or just right. We had to remind ourselves that each loss and grief journey never follows a set of rules, patterns or expectations.
We looked back at the journey we had in the hospital when we gave birth to him, recalling how in those early stages of grief, my husband needed to do something. I had to have a major blood transfusion, having lost a critical amount of blood. The multiple blood bags I received, saved my life. That’s when he decided to donate blood himself at a centre in Dubai. And now, on the anniversary of Leo’s death, this is what we do together. We donate blood. I’ve been on the other side of that, where someone else’s donation saved my life. Even if our child couldn’t survive, another life could still be saved. We’ve taken immense comfort and healing in knowing that. It feels like the only tangible way we could give back and balance what was taken. This ritual, for us, gives us a small sense of purpose and this is how we choose to honour the loss of our Leo.” Aisha Price.
Keeping A Grief Journal
“After Hope passed away, I shared her story on social media, and a huge part of doing this was to raise awareness about her rare genetic condition. We also started a funding page in her memory, raising over £3000 for SOFT UK. It’s important to us that her story lives on; just because she isn’t here with us, doesn’t mean she won’t always remain a part of our family. Going to church and praying has brought comfort to me after losing Hope. We couldn’t have got through the hardest time of our lives without our community and church family. I also have a grief journal where I’d share fond memories and this helped me process some of my pain. I take comfort in knowing that I’ll see my little girl again one day. It’s so important to have ways to remember the child you lost – we got a bear with Hope’s heartbeat installed within, and one with her birth clothes and her birth weight. Our little Hope will always be the child who made us parents, and we will forever be grateful for the 25 days we were blessed to have her for.” Zoe Kolbe.
Love Through Loss – a UAE-based group supporting and connecting families across the GCC who have experienced baby loss – are championing an event in honour of Baby Loss Awareness Week. To register and find out more information, visit lovethroughlosssupport.com
Lead Image Courtesy of Shutterstock