Carla DiBello On The Conscious Decision To Stop Oversharing On Social Media
Entrepreneur and celebrity style insider Carla DiBello on the power of holding some things back in an era of compulsive oversharing
One of the things I miss the most about the days before social media was not knowing what everyone was doing or wearing at every moment of every minute of every day. The unknown was such a gift. While we still had ways of keeping tabs on the outside world, our personal daily experience was so much more front and centre in comparison to living the experiences of others. We were able to be more present. We were able to see more clearly without the white noise and even more so, without constant comparison to others. And without constant worry about having to ‘flex’ hard enough or present ourselves in a way where we always appear to be ‘winning.’
I don’t really know when Instagram became such an intense lifestyle competition, but it has become the dominating ethos – and even though it’s evolving, I’d argue we’re still there. Values take on a flat, one-dimensional quality, portrayed by simplistic, visual symbolisers that we all recognise. Health and wellness could be portrayed by a simple yoga pose. Financial success could be conveyed by car selfies and flashing Rolexes, and freedom expressed by cutout dresses, crop tops, and bikinis on tropical beaches.
There is the argument that scantily clad clothing is an act of feminism. And I understand the argument in the sense that the choice of what a person puts on their body should be their choice and their choice alone. However I also believe there is a power that we hold onto when we make the choice to exercise restraint. Whether that be choosing not to share too many personal details, setting boundaries, or opting for exposing less with the clothing we wear.
As I’ve matured, I have made the conscious choice to reveal less in all of the above categories. And as a businesswoman, it’s impossible not to point out the direct benefit parallels between key ideal business practices and how we conduct ourselves in our personal lives.
For instance, a good standard practice when it comes to business negotiations is to listen more than you talk. This usually gives you the upper hand in business because you are learning more from the other party than they are learning about you, leaving you with a stronger grasp of the power dynamic and more strategic opportunities on the table. When it comes to sharing personal information about ourselves or about exposing more skin than not, when we ‘overshare,’ we lose all advantages that come along with the unknown. Additionally when this happens, we are often incorrectly pigeonholed based on gross assumptions and stereotypes.
Another rule of business is to never let cheap gains sway your mission statement. In other words, don’t sacrifice the big wins for little ones. While first impressions can be changed, they are still usually the most impactful – and harder to overcome once they’ve been made. And in business and in life, there is no doubt that they still hold a huge amount of weight. Consider what your main goal is in a social exchange. Is it to have all eyes on you for a brief period of time? Is it to have people listen to what you have to say? To understand you as a person rather than as a commodity – or liability? In this day and age, especially with the normalisation of instant gratification through likes and comments, understanding the difference between a reaction and a lasting impression has become a harder lesson to get through our heads.
As we step into the New Year, we are all looking forward to a new start for 2022. But this year, instead of thinking about what we want to project out to the world, perhaps we should ask, what do we want to keep just for ourselves?
Photography: Efraim Evidor. Styling: Jody Hassan. Hair And Make-Up: La Loge. Carla Wears: Dress, Dhs470; Shoes, Dhs790, Both 8 By Yoox. With Thanks To SLS Dubai Hotel.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s January 2022 issue