A Very Modern Role Model: Carla Dibello On Rethinking Traditional Timelines
The entrepreneur and celebrity style insider shares her powerful, personal journey of the empowerment that comes with freezing your eggs
Freedom can mean many things. To me, it means not having to sacrifice one kind of joy for another, or shaping my trajectory according to anyone’s expectations but my own. As a career woman, I’ve made a conscious choice to put off starting a family in order to pursue other ambitions.
Some might argue that we have a natural timeline that includes having children at a certain age, but I would offer that we have natural progression as individuals. Independent women choose their own paths. So it makes little sense to me that we should force a pace that is not in rhythm with who we are as people. I’ve long believed that as long as what I’m doing is organic for me, the universe works the rest out. And freezing my eggs is my insurance that I’m able to continue to move to my own speed and not someone else’s.
Today, the average age for marriage is shifting back – not just in the West, but in the Middle East too; a large part of that due to women continuing education for longer, as well as pursuing careers. While this opens significant opportunities for women, it has also forced us to rethink how we become mothers.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, fertility starts to decline in a woman’s 30s, but especially after 35. While a 30-year-old might have a 20 per cent chance of getting pregnant, that percentage drastically declines to 5 per cent by 40. Not to mention that the quality and number of eggs declines as one ages, potentially resulting in a higher chance of miscarriage or infertility in general.
After years of debating it, last month, I finally took the plunge and had my eggs frozen. From start to finish, the process took 14 days and was pretty straightforward, painless, and easy. I chose Dr. Shahin Ghadir at the Southern California Reproductive Center and he did an incredible job of explaining everything and made sure any anxiety I had about the process was eased.
Because I went in for my consultation during my cycle, I could have an ultrasound and start injections right away, skipping the normal process of 10 days of birth control prior. The support I had through the entire process was incredible and made all the difference. I was given a tutorial on how to give myself the injections, I had a nurse available 24-hours a day to guide me through anything I was confused or nervous about, and I went into the office every two days for additional bloodwork and ultrasound so they could monitor how I was reacting to the hormones with precision.
Two days before my egg retrieval, I was very ready to have my eggs removed and found myself looking forward to the operation, which was more painless than I expected. By the next evening, I was at a friend’s house for dinner, feeling great. But the best part is that after my eggs were retrieved and frozen, I felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders.
I no longer have the burden of feeling as though I have to choose between career and family. It has been empowering in a way I’ve never experienced before. I feel as though I’m more able to focus on my passions and truly listen to my gut, and not just the white noise of societal norms that surrounds every single woman in at least some way. Becoming a mother when I want to and not when I have to also allows me the opportunity to develop myself so that I can be a better person for my future child – and to be more present when I actually do decide to have children. By sidestepping forced timing, I’m also allowing myself to avoid settling for the wrong partner just for the sake of having a family. I’m allowed to trust my intuition in love, life, and career. I’m no longer tethered by external expectations of what a woman should be or the limitations of age. I’m in full control of my destiny. This is a new form of self expression. This is the new empowered woman.
Insider Tips…
Understand where you are fertility-wise.
Age is a great marker, however getting your unique stats is crucial.
Start with your gynecologist and get your bloodwork done.
Knowing how healthy your eggs are is the first step. How and where your eggs are frozen makes a difference. This was another thing that made me feel confident in going with Dr. Ghadir, as their clinic is excellent and uses cryo-vitrification (flashfreezing), which allows delicate eggs to be frozen fast without any damage.
Look into payment plans.
One of the reasons a lot of women shy away from having their eggs frozen is due to cost. However many places will have financing options and resources that can accommodate nearly any budget.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s November 2020 issue