From Compassion To Self-Restraint, Carla DiBello Reflects On The True Meaning Of Ramadan
Entrepreneur and celebrity style insider Carla DiBello on the life lessons we can all take away from the Holy Month, whoever we are
Over time, Ramadan has gone from something that I observed as an outsider to a month that I’ve come to appreciate deeply. The first time I ever experienced the Holy Month while in Dubai left an incredible impression. It was a culmination of so many core values, practices and perspectives within the region. It was astounding to see an entire community and culture come together to observe shared values in such a meaningful way.
This year, there’s something particularly timely about Ramadan arriving when the world is experiencing so much suffering and feels so fragmented. From political polarisation and upheaval to the continuing effect of the pandemic, not to mention the threat of an even greater war, our nervous systems are shot and we are in a collective state of fight or flight. A collective recentering is so greatly needed and after years of observing Ramadan from the Middle East, I feel like there are some life lessons we can all take away from the intentions of the Holy Month.
We all struggle. One of the things that brings unity throughout this time is the practice of fasting. It’s an act of putting oneself second, of remembering what it is like to feel hunger and thirst so that we may feel direct compassion towards those in need. It’s an act of collective meditating upon the human condition.
It’s also a reminder that no matter how much we are suffering in the moment, others are too. And our own suffering does not make us a priority above others. I liken this to the notion that we can never know a person’s full story or what they’ve been through, no matter how well we may think we know it. It encourages open-minded compassion, a sense of community, and serves as a strong reminder that we are all in this together. As we all deal with our unique forms of suffering, whether it be from the pandemic, war, loss of loved ones, unrealised hopes or dreams, or other personal traumas, it’s so important to continue to hold space for others and their needs. After all, this is how we heal ourselves and others.
True strength is self-restraint. If you look across history, one of the key qualities that many of the best leaders have had was an incredible level of self-restraint. While any of us can speak or act out at any given time, it takes personal and spiritual fortitude to restrain oneself against our instinctive reactions. In Ramadan, forms of restraint are expressed in almost every facet, from fasting to daily studies, prayers and worship, and through working towards community justice and harmony.
Welcome your neighbours. It’s easy to be suspicious of those we do not know, to assume negative qualities about strangers, to fear the ‘other.’ However all this changes within moments of being welcomed into another’s home and sharing a special meal with their family members. It’s an instant switch – a reminder that we’re all human and that, most likely, we have more in common than we have different. No matter how different we may appear at first. During my first Ramadan in the Middle East, I was deeply touched by how welcomed I was into so much of the experience, even as an outsider. The sense of community is also contagious. Being welcoming and expressing kindness towards those who are different is something, I would argue, that we’ve forgotten how to do to some extent in the last few years. But it’s crazy how just being the first one to open your heart to someone who feels different than yourself can instantly remind you of your shared humanity. Ramadan is full of practices and lessons. And while the practices and context are unique to the holiday and culture, all core universal truths are embedded within it. And those benefit all of us, Muslim or not.
From Harper’s Bazaar Arabia’s April 2022 issue