Aakanksha Tangri On Post-Partum Depression And Navigating The Uncharted Waters Of Parenthood
The founder and CEO of inclusive mental health platform, Re:Set, discusses the normality of “baby blues” and the importance of being kind to yourself…
Motherhood is a life-changing experience and a period of huge transition. It is an emotional rollercoaster and has a deep impact on both the mind and body. In fact, it is a holistic change that impacts everything – from your professional life and your relationships, to your understanding of life and its big questions. But unlike what most cultures and popular media tell us, it isn’t always an idyllic picture of pure happiness and joyous celebrations.
For nearly one in five women across the world, feelings of depression, anxiety, or even anger are common emotions in the days after giving birth. While these “baby blues” can go away within a few days without treatment, for up to 15 per cent of women globally, postnatal depression is a serious condition that impacts their mental health and the ability to bond with their babies.
But this doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. It is important to remember that motherhood is a lifelong journey filled with ups and downs, so feeling overwhelmed and anxious is only a natural response to this new phase of life. It’s OK to fumble and take things one step at a time. No one magically becomes a perfect mother overnight, in fact no one is a perfect mum!
Here are my tips on how to navigate the challenges as you embrace motherhood:
Be kind to yourself
Motherhood is essentially a skill, and like all skills, it requires patience and time. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right immediately. Remember that it’s OK to do it at your own pace. Take your time to ease into this new role and be forgiving of your mistakes. Remind yourself that it is natural for all new mothers to feel some degree of anxiety or depression as they adjust to this new phase.
Accept how you’re feeling
There is an unspoken expectation that motherhood will immediately change your life for the better. Any woman who doesn’t live up to society’s image of a devoted and content mother is shamed for not fitting into the box created for her. The best thing you can do for yourself when you’re living with anxiety or depression is to acknowledge your emotions and seek the necessary support and reassurance you need to show up for yourself and your baby. Doing this allows you to chart your own path of motherhood, and also makes it easier for others to step in and offer help.
Focus on building a bond with your baby instead of stressing about the “right way” to do things
New mums are often stressed about doing the right thing for their babies, whether that’s breastfeeding, or getting the most sought-after pediatrician, or finding the perfect toys. Mothers who don’t obsess about these things are also at the receiving end of harsh judgment such as being perceived as careless or lazy. But none of these things matter at the end of the day, because your child needs nothing else other than the support of a mother. Instead of comparing your journey to that of other parents and social media influencers, redirect your attention to building your own unique bond with your child. Spend time singing to them, playing with them, or even just holding them in your arms – you’ll realise how much your baby craves for just your love and attention, even when you don’t have the “right things.”
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help
Motherhood is a beautiful journey but it can be equally hard and you don’t have to do it all alone. Seeking help from friends and loved ones does not make you a bad mother, it means you know how to play to your strengths and weaknesses. And remember, it takes a village to raise a child! Focus on actively cultivating your tribe and for those of you that live away from your families, reach out to other new mums, whether it’s through online support groups or even meeting them at your neighbourhood park. You’ll realise how many of them are in the same boat as you and your challenges will resonate with so many women.
Take time out for yourself
Most new mothers feel guilty and think it is a cardinal sin to take a break and spend time away from their babies. But practicing self-care and doing things for yourself can help you regain strength and motivation to keep going. This isn’t selfish, but rather a healthy coping mechanism that enables you to recharge your body and mind. It’s crucial to remember you can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can show up for your child only if you show up for yourself.
While the joy brought on by motherhood is truly incomparable, it is also a huge responsibility to shoulder. However, sharing your struggles with others and being authentic about your emotions can help you overcome the natural challenges of motherhood. It will also remind you that you are not alone in this journey. Remember, you are the best mum for your child.
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Aakanksha Tangri is the founder of Re:Set, an inclusive mental health platform for organisations to offer their employees scientifically-backed, expert-designed, and personalised mental health resources and services to build happier and productive teams.
From the S/S23 issue of Harper’s Bazaar Arabia Junior